Silencio Por Favor!

Shhhh.

Be still.

Lower the volume in your head. Heck, just go ahead and turn your brain completely OFF. No thoughts.

Just be. Right here, right now, in THIS very moment. No before, and no after. This tiny pinhead of a moment is all there is.



I find it very difficult to "just be"...If you read Eat, Pray, Love then you might be familiar with her term "Monkey Brain." I have Monkey Brain, like, 100% of the time. It's crazy and disorganized up in there. Someone recently said to me, "Get out of your head." WOAH! That's major. I thought about it some more. "Get out of your head." It makes so much sense, yet no sense at all. I keep thinking about it, which probably means that it's stuck in my head...ugh

a busy weekend

Murphy is currently sharing the computer chair with me, taking a little post-dinner nap. He loves to share the computer chair, any chair, just as long as he's touching one of us. He had a really big day today. We went to a Boston Terrier "tea party" (sans tea) hosted by a local BT rescue group. Not as organized and fun as I had hoped, but still a joy to see all the smiling black and white faces. Boston Terriers of every shape and size were all around. Murphy received many compliments on his long legs, lean body and his markings. He's quite handsome if I do say so myself...especially in his bandanna. We hung out at the park for a couple of hours, playing with Murphy's long lost cousins, and then he went for a dip in the creek to cool off before we went home.


Once we got home it was nap time for me (Sean watched football). I was exhausted! We stayed up late the night before. After work on Friday, both Sean and I needed to unwind. We hosted an impromptu happy hour at the house where our best friends joined us. Happy hour turned into Happy Six Hours, and it was so much fun.


Cut to this morning: I really wanted to sleep in, but we had the Boston Terrier tea party at 11. I was dragging, a little...After the tea party I squeezed in a nap, and then it was off to the Vanderbilt campus for tailgating.

For the past 28 years, a family friend has hosted an early-season tailgating party at his Alma mater, and this was our first year to be invited to the event. This was most definitely not your mama's tailgating, friends. Clues that we were not experiencing the "normal" tailgating traditions:
- Fully catered buffet, complete with wait staff and a floral arrangement
- china, silverware and white linen napkins
- men wearing suits (including a couple of seersucker)
- jewelry. lots and lots of gold jewelry.
- open bar with 2 bartenders, no tip jar
- 4 piece Dixieland jazz band


I think it's fitting that Vandy's colors are black and gold. Very classy. VERY. Classy. Orange on the other hand? Not so classy...


Needless to say, we had a wonderful time and were very thankful for the opportunity to join in on the fun. I was a little embarrassed to be wearing jeans and flip flops with a 3 week old chipped pedicure, but that wasn't going to stop me! We mingled with several friends and struck up some acquaintances with the other guests. Go 'Dores, I guess? We didn't stay for the game. Sean turned down a pair of tickets because he's more interested in watching some of the teams on TV tonight. I couldn't have been more relieved! I wanted to get back to the house to finish the weekend chores and go to bed early. I have another busy day ahead of me...

On the agenda for tomorrow: Helping mom purge 15 years worth of crap from her house in preparation for her garage sale. This is going to be an emotionally exhausting day. Mom doesn't enjoy parting with her belongings, even if she hasn't looked at it for over a decade.

Labor Day Weekend

Sadly, we weren't at the beach this Labor Day weekend, or anywhere else for that matter. We weren't soaking up the last rays of summer. No lobster dinners, pina coladas, sundresses or sunburns. We were just here, at home. That's ok, though...we were lucky enough to have great company and perfect weather.

Sherri and Keith asked us out for a sushi date at Ru Sans, and following our raw meal we headed to Sambuca for some lounging and post-dinner drinks. Actually, we just went for drinks...the lounging was accidental (but much enjoyed!)

Sunday night we went south to Spring Hill to hang out at Shereida and Jeff's house. Because they have a fenced yard and a sweet doggy named Maddie, we're able to bring Murphy with us. It's nice that we can make it a "family affair," but Murphy is an embarrassment to our clan. He humps Maddie like there's no tomorrow! Poor Maddie...

We played games with S&J into the wee hours of the morning, and decided to crash in their guest room. This morning we were treated to a yummy, greasy breakfast at Cracker Barrel. So, technically we did spend the night out of town this holiday weekend...in Spring Hill, TN...where there's a barn across the street from Cracker Barrel...and where guests drop their pack of chew and bend over to reveal their rebel flag boxers. Ahhh, life is good

...and she's back!

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I think that pretty much sums it up.

After a 2 month+ hiatus, I'm back in the blogosphere. I don't even know why. Just shut up and go with it.

I was waaaay down in the deep, dark places of my brain where no one should ever go. The kind of place where you just KNOW for sure that you'll never be happy again. The place where you think oh my god do i need medication?

All I have to say is: BLECH! I hate that place.

So I went to yoga. And then I got this book. I talked to my beautiful, loving, wonderful, patient friends...a lot. I also talked to my hair stylist. And with the encouragement of my sister, I even talked to MY MOM. I know. It was weird...

And slowly but surely, my old self began to emerge from the shadows. Things are looking up. Way up. I even got a promotion. again, very weird.

I'm totally comfortable being in the spotlight as long as it's on my terms. The minute someone calls me out, makes a formal announcement about me, shines the light on me when I least expect it...that's when I get all weirded out.

It's not as if every single day was full of deep depression. I still laughed. I still enjoyed life. I still loved my husband, went to work, took care of my dog, made dinner...but along with all that was this underlying tone of sadness. I had some major changes going on in my life. Re-defining yourself doesn't always mean sunshine and roses. Doesn't always mean a new hairstyle or outfits. Sometimes it means digging up a bunch of deep, dark shit and getting dirt under your fingernails. And that's where I was...

I'm back now. Feeling good, feeling free, at peace for the most part...knock on wood...

Top 10 things on my brain:
10. Maximizing Labor Day weekend
9. Missing friends who live out of town, and wishing I could scoop them all up and take them to the beach with me this weekend
8. Thankful for my wonderful friends who continue to ride the Crazy Stacey Train with me
7. humbled by my promotion. glad that I have a wonderful boss.
6. Is summer really almost over? I don't know if i'm ready...Do my winter clothes still fit?
5. Ecstatic about my new mid-day dog walker
4. seriously need to organize the bonus room closets
3. Missing sister :( both of them!
2. I love my house, and where it is. I'm glad Sean chose this place.
1. Why are Sean and Murphy being so quiet right now...what are those boys up to?

The Seventeen Magazine Project

Why wasn't I this awesome when I was a senior in high school? Check out The Seventeen Magazine Project. This project blog was so interesting to me that I just read evey single entry in one sitting. I swear, 10 years ago I didn't even know half of the words this girl uses in her blog. Pennsylvania schools must be better than Tennessee's. Either that, or I'm just retarted. (probably the later...) At that age, I didn't know how to think critically about the world around me. I mean, I guess I did to some extent, but I surely wouldn't have been able to crank out blog posts complete with charts, graphs, and open-ended surveys. The sad thing is...I went to college and became a Sociology major where I STILL didn't do anything like that.

All of a sidden I feel very disappointed in myself...for not being a better student, for not doing something with my education, for not applying myself. I don't reckon there's anything I can do about it now, so no sense in beating myself up over it. Besides, I'm officially on vacation for the next 9 days! 'Tis a time to celebrate.

I'm celebrating today by not getting out of my jammies. I'm supposed to be cleaning house, but I got sucked into that blog and haven't been doing much else. I should probably make myself useful around the house today. We've got a lot of cleaning and packing to do before we leave for Florida tomorrow! Adios, amigos - I'll be enjoying the beautiful sun, sand, and tar balls of the Redneck Riviera for the next 7 days.

i had the urge...

...to get a mohawk.


I have a fabulous hair stylists - Miss Katie - and I had an appointment with her today. Given that I've been in a weird, depressed funk, I felt the need to sass things up a bit. Katie didn't give me mohawk (which is probably a good idea), but she did give me this 'do:
























Inspiration: British babe Eleanor Jackson of La Roux. I'm really diggin' the song Bulletproof right now, and I'm diggin' my new hair.





Well, off to perfect my side-swept fauxhawk. Thanks, Katie!

Did you know?

Did you know...
...that I want to lose 13 pounds? (preferably, in 1 week before I go to the beach.) Oh, that's right! We're going to Panama City in just 9 days. And I'm worried about oil being there, but oh well...I'll take a vacation where I can get one, oil or not. My dad is turning 50 (FIFTY!) and he'll have all his children there with him for the entire week. I hope my brother has a good time with us. It's going to be a challenge keeping him entertained all week. He always seems depressed, so I hope spending the week with us lifts his spirits. I know what it's like to be in his shoes, caught in the middle of a divorce and starting middle school. Been there, done that, glad I don't have to do it again. My heart goes out to the little guy. I'm looking forward to a week full of sun and sand. I haven't been to PCB in ages, and I can't wait to go to Shipwreck Island (the water park).

Did you know...
...that our stupid rental house sprung another leak? Yes, ANOTHER one. Not the one where the tree fell on the roof. No, that one got fixed. This is a NEW leak. The rental house makes my stomach hurt. I hope we're making the right decision by hanging on to it. I have bad dreams about the house falling apart sometimes. I fear that it'll suck up all our money (and by "all our money" I mean the teeny little bit that we have in savings).

Did you know...
...that I've been having a hard time focusing lately? Focusing on life, that is. Maybe focus is the wrong way to describe it. I feel very unsettled, and like I'm not doing a good job at...living. I think things are moving too quickly. My brain gets all mushy, I worry about crazy things, and then I get a heavy feeling in my chest. The world just feels like it's spinning around me, and I'm having a hard time keeping up. I like to think of myself as a very organized person, but lately, not so much...I wish everything would just sloooow doooown so I didn't feel like life was getting away from me. I really like to savor the small moments in life and I'm not doing much savoring right now. I'm trying to squeeze all my savoring into a few hours on the weekends, and I don't like that. A lot of my unsettled feeling comes from my job. Life is too short, and I feel like I'm wasting my days doing something I'm not happy with. Let me make an announcement to the world: I DON'T CARE ABOUT PCI COMPLIANCE! There, I said it. I'm zero point zero percent passionate about what I do. Part of me wants to be at least half way passionate about my career. The other part of me thinks that no one likes their job, and that's why God created retirement.

I think I'm going to go savor a glass of box wine and watch a scary Netflix movie. Maybe that will keep my mind off not being satisfied.