Planning and List making

***Be warned: I was so excited about this entry that I got carried away. This is a looong blog entry. I didn't realize how much I felt like talking about my planning and list-making. You don't have to read it. Plus, it makes me seem like a crazy person.***

I love my planner. It's a beautiful red leather book from Franklin Covey. Sean gave it to me for Christmas in 2007, and each year he supplies me with a new calendar insert. The red planner stays a home because it's my Life Planner...not to be mistaken with my Work Planner. Anyway, the feelings I get when I crack open my planner are comfort, peace, and calmness. Even if there are a million things for me to do, I find comfort in seeing them all laid out for me. Ahhhhhhhhhh...I love planning.

My planning is not a mental thought process. Well, obviously that's where it all starts...but really, my planning consists of one thing and one thing only: LISTS. Lists, lists, and more lists. Sometimes, even when I have the list squared away in my head, I still want to write its contents down on paper so I can look at the list...and be proud of the list...and feel comforted by the list. Wow, I am an honest-to-God crazy person, aren't I? It's just that, I have a major fear - Forgetting. What if my brain forgets the list? Or forgets one piece of the list? If I write the list down then I can see it. And if I can see it, I can't forget it. (unless, of course, I forget what I did with the list, but that's another story...)

Oh, I make lists of everything. Here is a list of some lists that I like:

- Weekend plans, which can include everything from cleaning to errands to dinner plans. On busy weekends I have to fight myself from doing and hour by hour agenda...because that would be TOO crazy.
- Christmas Lists - things I want, things I want to buy for other people. It's pretty straightforward.
- Party Planning Lists. There's nothing that makes me happier than planning a party! Listing out the menu is my favorite. I've gotten quite good at mapping out the buffet, showing exactly where each dish should go on the table. And I always list out the guests. You know, just so that I can SEE their name and so I don't FORGET anyone.
- Budget List - a spreadsheet of all our monthly expenses, estimated gas, eating out, groceries, etc. I check our bank balance almost daily...it's more of a compulsion. I know what it's going to say, but I check it anyway. And I try to balance the checkbook once a week. I edit the budget quite frequently. Each time we pay a bill, I mark it BOLD so that I know we're paid up.
- Purse List. This is the ongoing list of to-do items and tiny reminders that lives in my purse. Current contents of the Purse List are as follows:
. Scarf for ____
. Hat for ___
. Target - CD for ____
.www.mysoulsoup.com for ___
. Drywall repair @ Yellow house
. Paint stairwell @ Yellow house
.401k vs IRA
. Carroll address card
. Dad's videos
. Ann's pictures
. new ___ for Sean
. Transmission - replace a gasket on the pan (whatever that means...)
. Rent Public Enemies
. T-shirts for Alfred A.
. Etsy bridesmaid dress - 'amandaarcher' pleated collar dress
. yellow shoes
. replacement seal for under the doors
. socks
. CK free
. black shoes

BUT - the best list of all...the list I've kept going on a weekly basis for the past 2 years is my beloved List of Meals. I owe my sanity to the meal planning list! After a crazy day at work, I can stumble through the door and go straight to my List of Meals. Everything is there for me in black and white. No worrying about what to cook. No wondering what random items are waiting for me in the pantry. I know exactly what to make for dinner, I know that I have everything for the recipe, and I don't have to think twice about it. I don't even think ONCE about it! I don't think about it at all...it's so wonderful.

I take time on Saturdays (or sometimes Friday night...such a party animal!) to think about proteins, carbs and vegetables. What type of fish do I feel like eating? Will we have red meat this week? What's a good meatless meal? Is asparagus in season? Can I sneak in some cous cous into the menu without Sean noticing? Do we have pre-arranged dinner plans already? After I've thought it all out then I start building my grocery list (another favorite list of mine). My grocery list is categorized by department. I would never list broccoli next to butter or frozen brussels sprouts next to bread. No siree! The list must be in sequential order based on the store layout. I mean, why would you do it any other way?

Not too long ago, I had my trusty grocery list with me at Publix. A man actually said to me, "You're using a list? Now there's a concept!" Um, hello Jerk - who DOESN'T use a grocery list?

My favorite magazine REAL SIMPLE stole my heart when they featured an article on One Month of Dinners. What? You're kidding me! One month of meals already planned out for me? Yes, and complete with a grocery list. I was in hog heaven...

My List of Meals is never set in stone. Just ask Sean - I cross things out and rearrange them all the time. Sometimes unexpected things come up that interfere with dinner - an emergency, a last-minute invite from a friend, or I just don't feel like cooking after a bad day at work. And so, I stay flexible with the meals. Here's what we're looking at for the next week or so:

. Perogies w/ warm apple & onion slaw
. Cranberry stuffed pork chops w/ roasted carrots and red onion
. Salmon w/ cous cous (Yes, I did it!) & lemon-cilantro vinaigrette
. Cuban braised beef w/ red peppers and rice
. Beef soft tacos w/ Spanish rice
. Italian-herb sauteed chicken w/ pasta marinara
. Date night - Dinner & Movie (We're going to see The Blind Side...and I'm going to cry...)
. Trey's Birthday dinner - bring a salad and rolls to go w/ the steaks
. Nonnie's Thanksgiving Feast - can't wait!

If you made it this far, then God bless you...and thank you for reading about my lists. I really do love them. If you aren't a list person, then maybe I inspired you to start a list of your own. It can change your life!

heavy heart

I've been living with a heavy heart for the past month. Sad about my grandparents dying, obviously. Sad about my family - my mom, my aunt, and even my uncle. Just sad. Being so up close and personal with death makes you think weird things. Makes you ponder life, and worry, and wonder...

Life goes on, and my days have been normal for the most part. It's not like I'm crying every waking minute of the day. I'm just living with a heavy heart. That's the best way I can describe it. The sweet moments are bittersweet. The chilly days are just a little too cold.

Also, someone I work with lost their job, and it makes me sad and scared. I have been worrying about that person (and about my job) all weekend.

Even though it's not very exciting or happy news, I still wanted to post an update this weekend. There have been some bright moments in the midst of my gray clouds. One of my dear friends Crystal is expecting her first baby. It hasn't really sunk in for me yet. I'm in a state of disbelief - Crystal can't be pregnant! But hopefully her belly will keep growing, and that baby will be here soon enough. Crystal will be the first in my small group of three friends to be a mommy. Ugh, let the aging begin...

Nashville has been experiencing beautiful weather, and I'm so thankful for it - the blue skies keep my spirits higher. Sadly, yesterday was a very lazy Saturday at the Carrolls, and we didn't get outside to enjoy any fresh air! I was so disappointed in us. But, for some reason I just wanted to lay around in pj's ALLLLL day. We didn't even get showers. But, we did brush our teeth and wash up enough to go Christmas shopping at the mall. Today we got in gear and spent some time outside. Sean worked on his car, and I went for a run. I said hi to strangers, and stopped to watch the kids at the skate park. It was nice. I've been trying to slow down and savor those small moments of beauty.

We watched the last part of Dexter Season 3 last night and it was AWESOME! I also made a hemp bracelet for my brother. His 11th birthday is next week (ah! He's getting so old). I don't know why I wanted to make it for him, but I really hope he likes the bracelet. I've been wearing it and washing it so that it'll be nice and soft for him.

One week from today is the Hargis Family Thanksgiving Feast, and I'm really looking forward to a fun day and GOOD FOOD! All 18 of us (minus my cousin Adam because he's away at camp), will be at Nonnie's house. It's sad to think that she's the only living grandparent I have left. I'm glad that I only live 2 minutes from her (or an 8 min. jog if I'm feeling like some exercise). I just can't believe it's time for turkey already. Where has the year gone!?!? Also, a week from Wednesday we'll be making the 14 hour drive up to South Jersey to see the Carrolls for Turkey Day. While we're dreading the long car ride, we can't wait to see everyone. I'm really excited! I didn't expect to be going, but Sean surprised me and said that he wanted to make the trip.

Well, with these last 30 minutes before bed, I'm going to work on some Christmas knitting...

For My Grandparents...

Me and Mimi in 2007

Papa in 2007. He was sick at this time, but hadn't been moved to a home yet. He had difficulty making basic conversation, and he barely knew who we were.

My sweet Papa passed away tonight. I'm sad that he's gone...but really, it was a blessing. He had suffered from Alzheimer's for the past 4 (?) years. He wasn't really living...he was just existing. Almost like a vegetable. It was terribly sad to see him suffer like that for so many years, and so, I'm relieved that he's moved on.

The timing of his death is no surprise. It's common for couples to pass within a few weeks of each other (at least I think it's common. Maybe I only believe that because of The Notebook.) Mimi visited Papa every day in the nursing home. And since her death just 3 weeks ago, his health diminished incredibly quickly. I know that Mimi's presence, her love and her care is what kept him hanging on.

Some people say that Papa was a saint. No doubt, he was a good man. Saint? I don't know...I think they only say that because he put up with Mimi for the majority of his life. The man had patience, that's for sure. He was a quiet man. I regret that I didn't know him very well, but he wasn't the kind of person that really opened up. Maybe he would've opened up, but Mimi was always talking, so he never really had a chance. He was a thinker and a doer. She was a talker and a lay-arounder.

Papa loved to label things and make lists. (An obsession that I'm positive I inherited from him.) He was brilliant - an engineer, I think. His handwriting was small and perfect. He enjoyed taking pictures...almost too much! He had tons and tons and tons of photo albums (all labeled, of course). He would document every detail of Thanksgiving pictures, right down to a picture of the dinner rolls. He loved sweets, and coffee ice cream was one of his favorites. He treated my Mimi like the princess she believed she was. He cleaned, cooked and did all of the grocery shopping while he was still able.

I hope that he lived a happy life. I really don't know...it wasn't an easy life by any means. The family drama had to have taken a toll on him. From what I could see, he tried to be the calm, steady voice of reason in the family...and he was there to pick up the pieces. I guess it's all he could do.

It was a hard decision for Mimi when she chose to place him in a nursing home, but we all encouraged her to do it. It really was the best place for him, even though it seemed to increase the symptoms of his disease. Their home life with Roger was getting too strenuous. Plus, Mimi had trouble meeting Papa's needs (he couldn't do anything for himself like eat, shave or get dressed), and she had zero patience for his illness. Papa bounced from home to home, and was moved in and out of different facilities. His disease caused him to lash out at people, throw things, bite, etc. The nursing homes couldn't tolerate him after he became a danger to other residence. And so, they would kick him out. A lot of his behaviors were upsetting, but some of them were funny...like the time he strolled buck naked through the halls! He was the most quiet, respectful, well-mannered man that ever lived. He spent most of his life being overshadowed by my Mimi. And so, even thought he didn't realize what he was doing as he streaked the nursing home, I was proud of him. "You go, Papa! Let it all hang out!" I thought.

My mom, my aunt Susan, and my Mimi visited with Papa regularly. They did the best they could to keep him comfortable and cared for. I admire their dedication. I have to say, I shied away from visiting him because it was so difficult to see him like that. But, they faced it head on. The 3 of them fought over him...fought about his well-being, where he should say, what kind of medicine he needed. They even fought against doctors' bad decisions, and fought with directors of nursing homes. It wasn't easy for any of them, but they were there with him until the end.

I hope that I'm so blessed to have a family fighting for me and staying by my side when it's my time to pass. I know you probably hear things like this all the time, but each and every day that we're living right now is a gift.

Halloweentime

Sean made an excellent point this morning: Rolling the clocks back should ALWAYS happen on a weekday. Who cares about sleeping an extra hour on the weekend? NO ONE. We didn't have a chance to truly appreciate that extra hour of sleep. The experience would've been much sweeter if the extra hour fell on a Monday morning. Anyway, it doesn't matter - my internal clock is still all out of whack.

This past week was busy and long, but it ended with a bang! I traveled to Springfield, MO to visit a customer on Tues/Wed. Four flights + a business meeting caused for a bit of mid-week anxiety. And because of my bereavement day and the business trip, things have been piling up on me at the office. I don't much like it. No one has complained and nothing has fallen through the cracks. Yet, I still feel like I'm doing a bad job because I haven't been 100% focused.

Still life is good. Here are some highlights from this week:

- The stupid Titans finally won their first game of the season.

- Sean is the proud owner of an iPhone! (he hasn't put it down...) He's been asking for an iPhone since it hit the shelves, so I encouraged him to go for it. I was happy for him and also quite relieved. If he didn't buy it for his birthday, it was bound to be a Christmas present...and I can't tell you how much I hate shopping for technology. ICK! I was dreading the day that I had to walk into the AT&T store. So, a big THANK YOU goes out to those who contributed to the birthday funds.

- I've been reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, and I really enjoy it. It's a quick and easy read, but it's full of wonderful relationship advice. I think every couple should read it! And in case you were wondering how to speak my love language, I think I'm an "Acts of Service" person.

- Let's not forget the biggest highlight of all - HALLOWEEN! We hosted a little gathering at our house, and enjoyed seeing all of our best friends decked out in costume. We didn't have as many trick-or-treaters as I expected, but the ones that we had were very polite! First, everyone said "trick-or-treat" so I was thrilled. You don't get candy at my house if you don't say the magic words. And almost everyone said "Thank you!" It was a major upgrade compared to those heathens in the city. Also, no one came dressed as a slut or a "student with a knife." (Yes, that was an actual costume one year.) Sean and I missed a lot of the kids because we were busy putting on makeup, but thankfully my sister was there to pass out the candy. She was a huge help! She reported that one kid was too scared of our house, so he passed us up. I was so proud...I think a tear came to my eye. Wait until next year, scaredy pants...It's only going to get better!!! Mwahahaha! But I digress...the party was lots of fun. I love costumes and I love our friends. And I even love my friends that didn't come in costume. Everyone gets a free pass...just don't let it happen again!

I wish I had more pictures to share because there were lots of fun costumes. With scissors for hands I was a bit handicapped. Even though we didn't have a dance-off, I hope everyone had a great time.

Sean wanted the house to look like a massacre, so I let him bloody up the front door. Don't worry, it washed off easily. I thought our yard decorations were killer (pun intended).

Our "mature" friends decided to capture their youth by dressing as hippies. Aren't they cute?

Sean was a magnificent Zombie Billy Mays. The costume is even better when you can hear his Billy Mays voice. It's spot on!

Sisters - Pink and Edward Scissorhands.

Me and my girls - Sherri as "Peyton from One Tree Hill going as the Angel of Death." It's a costume within a costume, and it makes my brain hurt. But she's hot! And Crystal as Scary Dead Doll. Doesn't she give you the creeps? Other popular guesses for Crystal's costume were Wendy's girl, Raggedy Anne, and a pirate. Wrong, wrong, and more wrong.

I truly loved Bobby's Bob Ross costume.

Our Boys: Keith as Mario, Sean as Zombie Billy Mays, and Bobby as Bob Ross

Mixed Emotions

Readers,

The past 2 weeks have been full of mixed emotions like none other. A very devastating and embarrassing incident happened within my extended family last week. Even though it was all over the local news for 1 day, I don't quite feel like sharing the details in this blog. If you don't already know what it is, then just ask me offline. The events of that "incident" (which is what I will call it for now) and the people involved in it have been weighing heavy on my heart. Even though life continues to be full of blessings for me, the incident has kept me on an emotional roller coaster...going back and forth between peaceful and sad and angry quite frequently.

We had to bury my Mimi (my maternal grandmother) yesterday. In some ways it doesn't seem real. It just can't be real. She was such a lively person, and she had many more good years left in her. Even though she spent most of her time lying on the couch and talking on the phone (haha), her personality was bold and vibrant. Everyone kept saying "She was so in tact for an 81 year old." And she was! Her mind was very strong, and her body was holding up well. This was no way for her to go...I have to push those frightening images out of my mind from "that day" or else I will start to cry.

She paid the ultimate sacrifice for taking care of her mentally ill son for all those years. She knew that no one else could or would take care of him. He couldn't care of himself, and so there she was...stuck with him. She love him, yet hated him. She wanted him to be taken care of, but she hated the burdens that came with her responsibility. He was so sick in the head. It was draining to be around him for 1 hour...even when he was on meds. He had been off meds for about 1 year, and he was starting to lose it BIG TIME. In fact, he had just been released on bail and was awaiting a court date (for a separate charge) when the "incident" happened. I can't imagine how painful her daily life was with him. Not that she was an angel...but who is? I don't have kids, but I will one day (as long as my one, lonely ovary pulls through for me...) I just can't comprehend any of those mother-child emotions that must've been going through her heart and mind for all those long, tough years.

It's just sickening...I don't want to think about it anymore. Just know that it has been very hard, very surreal, hurtful, crazy, emotional...and yet, I knew this was going to happen. I said this was going to happen. I actually spoke the words, and we all knew it might come to this. There was just nothing we could do to stop it. She didn't deserve to go this way, no matter how mean she was at times. I learned yesterday during the funeral service that she touched many lives. I learned that she was a fun and very loving friend to many people. It made my heart so happy to hear those things. I NEEDED to hear those things because that wasn't my experience with her.

We should all live life to the fullest and be the best people we can possibly be. If there's anything good at all that could come of this, it has reminded me to cherish every moment and every waking breath. Life goes on for us right now, and we need to make the most of it.

The past few days have been tough, but like I said...life goes on. We've done some "normal" things around the house. Holding on to a routine is comforting through these times.

Yard Sale @ The Carroll's'! Sean mans the driveway while we wait for my dad to arrive.
Our neighborhood hosts community yard sale only twice a year. We have been waiting to unload our junk for 6 months. Of course, we had to go to Murfreesboro for the funeral, so my dad came over and negotiated with all the greedy buyers for us. I was so thankful for his help!!! Dad helped us make about $160, so now we can go buy a heater for Sean's car. He's going to need it very soon! The cold winter weather is creeping in on us.

After a day of mourning, you need something to cheer you up. Why not a ZOMBIE!? Next week is Halloween - my favorite holiday. We each have costumes that require special makeup, so we decided to test out my makeup applying skills. I think Sean is going to look like the best zombie ever.

Sean also grilled amazing steaks last night, as usual! We had bone-in ribeye steak seasoned with Cavendar's (for you dad!) and roasted asparagus sprinkled with parmesan, all paired with a delicious Cabernet. The cab was a gift from our housewarming party back in June. I wish I knew who gave us the bottle! It was a 2002 Oberon from Napa. No joke - It was quite possibly the best wine I've ever tasted. Bless you and thank you, whoever gave us that bottle! I want to go buy a whole case of it, but I'm scared of the price. Sean needs a new heater...I can't blow our money on booze.

Speaking of Booze...come to our Halloween party (cleverly titled BOOZEFEST - get it?) on Saturday @ 8:00.

Gifts

Gift-giving is a weird thing. It comes with so many expectations. I LOVE to give gifts, as I'm sure we all do. But there are many things that factor into this simple act of kindness.



1) Money - "I would love to buy _____ for my mom, but it's just too darn expensive."
2) Relevance - "Will he/she like what I'm giving them? Or will they think it's useless and stuipd?"
3) Fairness - "Well, I didn't get something this nice for his/her spouse, so I need to find something cheaper."
4)...and my all-time favorite...Do they already have it? - "Does my dad already own ____?" No matter what the item is, the answer to that question is usually YES. He does own it. But this question also applies to other people.



The month of October is a big gift-giving month for me. I have 4 birthdays to support this month. Not to mention, Christmas is right around the corner. (Have you started shopping yet? Because I have!)

Anwyay, the whole point that I wanted to make is that buying gifts can be stressful even if we have the best of intentions.

My sister-in-law Emily is one of the easiest people to buy gifts for. For starters, I know her very well (and I'm married to her brother, so that gives me an advantage). If you are close to Emily at all, you probably know everything there is to know about her, as I do...and this makes it very easy when shopping for Emily. Actually, I never have to make a specific trip to the mall for Emily. Usually, I'm already out shopping at a store, and I'll see something very "Emily-ish" that catches my eye. She is always the first person I check off my Christmas shopping list every year because I pack away gifts for her all year. In fact, we already have 4 presents waiting for her in The Christmas Closet. She is always WAY ahead of everyone else. (Sorry, other relatives. I wish you were all this easy to shop for, but you just aren't...)

The Easy Gifters (like Emily) are a blessing and a curse at the same time. You see, I find so many things for Emily that I actually have to STOP myself from buying gifts for her. During Christmas season when we're out hunting for the Dad gifts (which are by far the most difficult to shop for), I'll spot yet another gift for Emily! It's very distracting and frustrating, and not very fair to the dads or to anyone else.

October 9 is Emily's birthday, and like I said before, we already have a pile of gifts packed away for her. I also had a few gift ideas tucked away in my brain. But for some reason, I thought to myself "Oh goodness...what if she HATES everything that we give her? And what if she dreads our presents every year?" Poor thing, we have never stopped to ask her what she actually WANTS. And so that's exactly what I did this year. I asked her what she wanted, and she kindly told me about a necklace that she found on Etsy.com.


**Sidenote** If you haven't been to Etsy.com then please do so IMMEDIATELY. Give yourself about 30-60 min to browse the website. The site offers handmade gifts from crafters and artists all over the country. This stuff is way better than anything you'd find at Target. Think of your favorite boutique on Main Street, and then multiply it by 1,000 and put it online. Voila! You have Etsy - a site full of brilliant, beautiful arts and crafts. The items are reasonably priced, and if they aren't, you can simply ask for a discount. The beauty about buying directly from the artist is that you can make custom requests and hopefully negotiate a price. And readers, this isn't the kind of crap you find at the flea market. These handmade items will blow your mind! I've found gorgeous dresses, jackets jewelry, pottery and pictures that are all one-of-a-kind. I also love the idea of supporting starving artists (mostly because I wish that I were one myself...) It's a comfort to me knowing that I'm paying someone directly rather than giving my money to a big corporate mess.



So, here is the necklace that I purchased from ChellasCollection.etsy.com. It's a chain with 2 map pendants. The one for Emily had a map of CMCH, New Jersey (where Emily was born) and one of Chicago (where she lives now).




Not only was the gift perfect, but my online transaction with the artist behind Chellas Collection was spectacular. We sent each other messages using Etsy's online messaging system, and Julie was so responsive and thoughtful. She personalized Emily's gift, handled the shipping and timed it with her birthday, and included a personalized note. She even sent me a follow up thank you note in the mail! For someone who shys away from online shopping, I truly enjoyed this experience, and I was glad to give Emily a gift that she really wanted.

Pumpkins and Stuff

Hello, again! How about those Vols, huh? I couldn't believe their win over Georgia this weekend.. More importantly, I can't believe I'm talking about football like this. But, it was EXCITING to see one of our teams WIN! (You hear that, Titans? W-I-N? Let that word sink in for a while, Collins....) I was also glad to see Tebow back at it this week, cleaning up some tiger blood in Death Valley. Poor baby bonked his head...but I think he's better now.

Saturday was cold and cloudy. I started off the day by going to Jessica's baby shower. It was a really nice shower, and I was glad to see Jess and her baby bump. They drove down to Tennessee for the weekend. Jessica's mom and Ryan were at the shower, too, so that was a nice treat. I am so happy that Jess and Ryan are expecting. I think I've mentioned this before, but I don't usually care when people are pregnant (I'm sorry, that seems so heartless...but true) So, I actually care about this one! Also, seeing Jessica during her pregnancy makes it seem a little less terrifying to me. She is happy, healthy and carefree - just like her normal self! (only with a little guy in her tummy). I still didn't work up the nerve to touch her stomach.

After the baby shower, Sean and I had ZERO plans. None. Nada. The afternoon was ours for the taking, which never really happens to us. We were thrilled! We ran errands around town, shopped for our Halloween costumes, and even got a milkshake! Sean has chosen to be the zombie version of Billy Mays (the OxyClean infomercial man who died earlier this year), and I will be going as Edward Scissorhands (one of my favorite Johnny Depp characters). Both costumes will require a great deal of makeup to create that "living dead" look, so we'll have to do a dress rehearsal one night.

In addition to costume shopping, I also pulled out the decorations and started transforming our home into a creepy haunted mansion. Ok, not really...I only DREAM about turning our house into a haunted mansion for Halloween. Maybe one day it will happen. For now, I'll have to settle for this cute little tablescape.

We were lucky to have my brother Trey spend Sunday afternoon with us. In addition to the decorating, we carved pumpkins and baked some delicious gingerbread snaps.

Trey's pumpkin is on the left. Look closely and you'll see that it's a pumpkin chomping on a smaller baby pumpkin. Sean's is the while pumpkin with the evil, toothy grin. And mine is at the bottom - the skeleton silhouette.

Check them out in the dark!