It seems.

It seems like we're doing okay. You know, we're just truckin right along...adjusting to life with a baby, trying to keep up with work and chores and making well-balanced home cooked meals, remembering to exercise, to call our mamas, to check in with friends, making time to go on grown up dates, planning trips and scheduling maintenance on the HVAC unit, getting a hair cut, remembering to return the nebulizer we rented for the baby...and all that other SHiTz that makes up our lives.

I so desperately want to slow down and savor it all. I long for so many things that I simply can't have.

It's a rare occasion when I choose to dole out sympathy, and I certainly don't expect sympathy from you. My life is good. We have our health. We have a good life in a good town, and we're surrounded by love and lots of good people.

Still...I want. I want change. I want things to slow down. I want my day to be different, my job to be different, and while I'm at it, I admit that I want my butt to shrink, too.

It's natural to want. I'm working on convincing myself to WANT WHAT I ALREADY HAVE. To stop feeling like the grass is greener somewhere else and remind myself to sink my toes into my own grass, no matter how brown and crispy it is.

My "brown and crispy" is that I don't have my desired work-life balance right now. And I don't have any options. And I don't know when that will change. And I don't like feeling helpless.