Thursday, January 10, 2013

I'm okay, Okay?

I'm mid-way through my 2nd week as "working mom," and it officially still sucks. But whatchagonnado, right? It doesn't help that I've been battling some weird cold/flu illness thing which makes me feel extra icky. I keep saying to Sean, "I just want things be normal again..." but then I realize that there's No. Such. Thing.

My idea of normal has disappeared forever. *sniff

I need to accept my "new" normal of slinging breakfast around a messy kitchen with one shoe on, one shoe off, my car running in the driveway while I rush upstairs to change a dirty diaper, holding a banana in my teeth while juggling hot coffee and 2 bags all while I secure the car seat...

If my Old Self were to pay a surprise visit to my New Self she'd say, "WHAT THE fffffuUUUUUddddge is going on here, you crazy loon!? Get your sh*T together, girl. This is no way to start the morning! Where are your organization skills?"

Um, they're gone.

Now that we have this new miniature roommate who needs us for EVERYTHING, there will always be something to deal with, so I better just learn how to deal. (easier said than done.) And that's what I'm tryin' to do here.

The good news is that Wesser decided to start sleeping 12 hours straight through for the past few nights, and he's been going down peacefully. Hooray for my little champ! I appreciate that he's not fighting us on bedtime now, and I also appreciate the extra long stretch of sleep.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I feel like a complete and total failure as a woman/employee/mom/wife/person. Instead, I'm attempting to celebrate my small victories and put less focus on what I failed to accomplish. So, today's victories are 1) I came to work half sick (even though I felt crappy) and 2) paid a medical bill. Kudos to me!

And I've decided to forgive myself for having hairy legs (sorry, Sean!). Let's pretend like I've converted into Super Earthy Granola Lady who believes that leg hair on women is natural and okay. (It is not, by the way.)  The truth is that there's just no time to properly address my Teen Wolf legs. Maybe one day...

Work is nuts and chaotic and it makes me feel really uncomfortable to be so out of control...I'm very under-qualified, which leaves me feeling nothing but old fashioned STUPID. But I'm sitting with it. I'm coaching myself through each day and saying, "Just be okay with this." I'm trying to change out the track in my head to a more positive tone.

Don't know if it's working or not...