Thursday, January 31, 2008

Cardio, Claories and Cleaning – OH MY.

Losing weight. It’s a daunting task but it can be done. The trick is to do it “right.” It means counting calories and fat intake and exercising on a regular basis, and so that’s what I’ve been doing. In fact, it feels like that’s ALL I do sometimes. When people say it’s a lifestyle change, well…they aren’t lying.

I almost had a meltdown the other night when I came home. I say “almost” because I managed to pull myself together. But for a small second, I really could’ve broken down in tears out of anger, frustration and exhaustion. I’ve been participating in this weight loss program going on 3 weeks now. The program lasts a total of 12, so we’re only a quarter of the way through. Ugh…I manage to do ok with my eating for the most part. I’ve only “cheated” a few times, but my cheats are still within reason. The worst cheat so far was a nasty burger at O’Charley’s. It was so bad that I didn’t even eat the whole thing. Overcooked and tasteless. To be honest, I don’t know what possessed me to eat a burger in the first place. I rarely order them and I never crave them. And at O’Charley’s of all places??? I really must have lost my mind that night. That day my total calories came to 1800 when they’re supposed to be 1500. Worse things have happened, right?

But let me tell you…it’s the exercise that’s killing me. Last week was TERRIBLE. I felt like I had been run over by a train, or like I was coming down with the flu. I was miserable and in a foul mood. Four days of exercise is something I can handle. In fact, I had become quite used to doing 4 days. But often, I allowed myself a break in between, going Mon-Tues, off Wednesday, and back on Thu-Fri. I guess my body was so used to the on-again, off-again routine that it went into shock when I did 5 days in a row. Anyhow, the exhaustion led me to being irritable which led me to the near-meltdown.

I just feel like I spend ALL of my time thinking about losing weight. If I’m not planning meals, then I’m in the gym. Or if I’m out with friends, then I’m upset that I can’t eat good food. It really gets to me sometimes…it’s hard work, and sometimes I just HATE it.

So I came home the other night, tired, cranky and exhausted…and still fat…It was 7 p.m. by the time I got home. I only had 3 hours before going to bed, which was a little depressing. THREE HOURS. That’s it. And guess what happens in those three hours? Cooking dinner. Cleaning up after dinner. Packing the gym back for the next day. And squeezing in a stupid TV show. How freakin exciting, right? This feeling is what I like to call “being in a rut.”

So I’m standing in the kitchen, and the house was just getting to me…so messy, not cleaned. The fact that I’ve been so focused on losing weight and doing this program means that my cleaning duties have taken a back seat. I mean, something has to give so why not the cleaning? It’s my least favorite thing. But that night I was overwhelmed with a huge guilt complex. I was thinking, “I’m not doing enough. I’m not cleaning enough. I’m not organized.” I felt like a failure, and of course Sean was saying, “No, you’re doing a great job.” Oh, SHUT UP. I do not take encouragement well at all. In fact, it sometimes makes me feel worse. If I were doing a great job the tub would’ve been cleaned. The sheets would’ve been washed. The clothes would’ve been picked up off the bathroom floor. The kitchen wouldn’t look like a disaster zone. The laundry wouldn’t be overflowing out of the hamper. I suck.

But thankfully, I snapped out of my funk. With only 3 hours before bedtime, there’s no room for a meltdown. I just sucked it up and ignored all of it. Screw it. No one can see my messy kitchen (except maybe the neighbors). I’m fine with it. Sean isn’t complaining about it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

...And we're off!

The New Year is in full swing, and as you may have noticed, I’ve been busy neglecting my poor blog.

Sorry, y’all. Sorry, blog. I love you, I really do. I just haven’t made the time…

It’s not just about the time, though – I just haven’t had the urge to share anything. Nothing very exciting has happened since I last posted (at Christmas), and I missed my chance to recap New Years. I guess I’ve been waiting for that random ounce of something cool to come along so I could tell you about it…But maybe you aren’t reading this for excitement. Maybe you just want to know what’s going on with me and my life. I don’t know…I always feel the need to put on a show here, but maybe you’re ok with a simple, non-eventful blog entry.

So let me catch you up on the past three weeks…

Sean and I hosted a New Year’s party for several of our friends (***pictures coming soon***). We had a fantastic time ringing in 2008 with everyone, and we were so flattered that they wanted to be there to share it with us. My favorite part of the evening was Cole’s attempt at Mad Gab. I regret not taking video footage because it was really one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. If you haven’t played Mad Gab with your friends, then you definitely need to track it down at Wal-Mart and host a party of your own. The New Years party didn’t wrap till about 2 in the morning, so Sean and I slept in the next day and (against my will) we watched FOUR bowl games in a row. I thought my eyeballs were going to fall out…But as the Day of Neverending Football Games dragged on, I found myself getting mildly excited and screaming things like, “FUMBLE! FUMBLE!” and “HE WAS TOTALLY OUT OF BOUNDS!” I also began to pick up on some of the game rules which made watching a *teeny weeny* bit more enjoyable.

Like most of you, we spent the first week of January trying to get back to a normal routine. The office was dead, work was slow, but we’ve finally found normalcy again.

Last week I hosted a Premier Jewelry party (I know, I know…enough with the parties already!), but after going to my grandmother’s party I knew that I had to host one myself. The jeweler, Erin, was so stinkin’ cute and I thought she did an excellent job. I didn’t necessarily want everyone to blow their money on jewelry, but it was a good excuse to get the girls together. Plus, several members of my family hadn’t seen my house so I wanted them to come over and check it out. After all, we’ve been there 2 years…So we all crammed into my living room while Erin showed us her pieces, and I think everyone enjoyed it. Mom and sister had a mild spat in the kitchen, but it blew over quickly before things got out of hand! With 15 women crammed into a small space, it was bound to happen…

And then came the weight loss program.

We’re all making new plans to get healthy and in shape this year, right? (Except for Uncle Kevin…I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have an ounce of fat to lose.) And as some of you may know, I’ve been going to the gym pretty regularly for a year now. I’ve also been trying to watch my calories and make sure I limit the amount of crap that goes into my mouth. It’s worked out well for me so far (lost a little over 20 lbs since I started), but I was recently offered the opportunity to step up my game and join a weight loss program. It’s called The Tri-Life Challenge and it’s modeled after The Biggest Loser television show. The only difference is that we don’t get a cash prize, but I guess I’m ok with that as long as my butt shrinks!

The only things I’ll be doing differently are exercising more and being really strict about what I eat. No more cheating on the weekends with pizza or Mexican food. I have to be good for the next THREE MONTHS! And by good I mean sticking to 1500 calories, which really isn’t that bad if you ask me. 1500 calories gives me what I need, but it also means that I can’t gorge myself with cheese dip at Nacho’s restaurant. I struggled with whether or not I should join the program, but in the end I decided that this sort of opportunity doesn’t come along very often. I also have to keep a food journal, which I’ve already been doing…only now I can’t write an entry that says “3 Krystals Chili Cheese pups………630 Calories.” I think they get mad at you for that sort of thing. For now I’ll stick to grilled chicken and brown rice, but don’t you fear, Chili Cheese Pups, Pizza, and Mexican food….I will see you all April 7 when I have my graduation dinner!!!