Sunday, September 29, 2013

Check one, two...check one, two...Is this thing still on?

Been away from this thing for 4 months, which is close to 6 months, which is half of an entire year! (I have a wonderful gift for rounding up and over-inflating.)

Four months ago I submitted my resignation from my sales job. My last day of work was on a Tuesday. I remember it well because (well, because it was my last day!) but also because I took a pregnancy test that night and it was POSITIVE. Woah. It was a major surprise to say the least. As if changing my career plans and greatly reducing our household income wasn't scary enough, now we were looking at having 2 kids in diapers. It took some time for us to wrap our heads around it. Ultimately, we accepted the fact that our family was growing, and we were excited.

My hiatus from this blog had a lot to do with my transition away from the corporate world, plus a lot to do with juggling a work-from-home job and a toddling boy, and a lot more to do with being sick all day every day.

I was in survival mode.

We found out we lost the baby during the 12 week appointment. We were devastated. We ached and we grieved, and then worse came to worst and I ended up in the hospital. And during my recovery - while I was on bed rest - my new co-workers were calling me and asking me for pieces of information. There's no way for me to articulate how incredibly ANGRY I was at the everything.

Thankfully, we are surrounded by a wonderful network who supported us through the entire ordeal. I just wanted to publicly (sort of) share that with y'all.

We are looking at new beginnings right now. And that's all I have to say about that.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

May is the Greatest Month

May is the greatest month. Why? Because.

Because we celebrate Mother's Day.
     Wesley and I drove around and passed out flowers to his grandmothers.
     Sean and Wesley each gave me a card. I got a cute picture frame for all of Dubby's many faces.

Because the weather is finally cooperative.
     I love shorts and flip flops!!! Life is easy again. And much less painful.
     The only downside is I have to start shaving again.

Because school got out and morning rush hour is finally tolerable.
   I don't even have time to get into how jacked up Franklin Road is in the morning.
   Good riddance, Traffic Cop!

Because of reasons to drink and celebrate like Cinco de Mayo and The Kentucky Derby.
     We celebrated neither, but we did get to have a yummy family dinner of home made
     spaghetti and meatballs at "Family Lunch" day. Thanks, Susan!

Because of O'More's "Eloise" Fashion show.
     The show was enjoyable as ever.
     Warning: Do not drink too much at the fashion show and decide it's a good idea to go to the Pig
     afterwards. And a guy named Stinky Sam might try to push his homemade "wine-shine" on you
     and your friends. And then you might not feel good on Saturday (even though you only had
     regular wine). And you might have to stay in your gown the following day. And then realize your
     gown is on inside out, but you don't care.

Because May means MAH BIRFDAY, y'all!!!
     I wanted a low-key birthday, and that's what I got. I was greeted with a b-day card at my desk,
     and Sean took me to Chik-fil-a for lunch (my request). He made a delicious dinner for me when
     we got home, AND he let me watch what I wanted to on TV. Can you guess what I chose?
     Call the Midwife. I love it so much.

Because of Sisters Weekend.
     I went to Louisville to see sister. We had a nice visit, and I got some much needed R&R.
     She spoiled me with a gift of an hour long full body massage (from a professional. Not from her.)
    More on Sisters Weekend in another post.

Because of Memorial Day.
     A time to remember and pay our respects to those  brave men and women who paid the ultimate
     sacrifice while serving our country.

Because the pool opens.
    I feel refreshed just thinking about dipping my feet in chlorine pee-pee waters. I love the pool.

Because it's the unofficial start of SUMMERTIME!!!
    Which is the opposite of wintertime, which happens to be the suckiest time of the year.

Because Wesley turned 8 months old.
     Sweet baby boy is such an angel.

*Because I resigned from my full-time job!
(*applies to 2013 only)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Franklin is Closed

So, this promotional video of Franklin is going around on Facebook, and at first it brought a small tear to my I was a proud mama watching her kindergartener "graduate."

Watching it made me feel nostalgic. I'm so thankful that my parents chose to move me here when I was just a kindergartner myself. I'm thankful that I have a safe place to live and a nice place to raise my own kids. Thankful for the ridiculously picturesque Main Street and freakishly perfect neighbors...


No, thank you, promotional video people. It did not work. I am still mega pissed about the traffic.

This town is officially CLOSED to anyone who tries to enter. Says me!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Day I Met My Family

Sean spent last weekend in Chicago with his younger sister and even younger brother (Hi, Emily! Hi, Trevor!)  and I heard that the 3 of them had a blast. I'm so thankful they had the chance to spend the weekend together. Never have I know such a fun (and funny!) group of siblings. Being a part of their family brings me joy.

It's funny to me when I remember that fateful day in August 2000...the first time I met my new suite mate Emily. The day was full of excitement and nervous energy. I was moving to Big Orange Country to start my freshman year of college. Finally leaving home and getting my first taste of freedom....New faces, new surroundings, and I was so very intimidated by the thought of life on campus and all things college.

I started a new chapter of life that day: Moving into Adulthood. You know, that first year of college doesn't have anything to do with academics. It's really where you learn to spread your wings, start defining who you are as an adult and start carving your own path as an individual. Deciding where you want to go, who you want to be, bla bla bla...and that first day of life at UT was sooooooo much more monumental than I knew at the time.

I don't remember meeting Sean for the first time. I don't remember meeting him a second time. Or a third. It's like he just leaked into my life without me even realizing it, and all of a sudden I woke up next to him one day and he was my baby daddy! Seriously.

I do, however, remember meeting Emily for the first time. We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning (like, 5 a.m.) talking our faces off. Like, talking so much that we became hoarse. We each shared our life stories from top to bottom, and that night was the beginning of what would become a life long bond. The reason I think it's funny is because I imagine going back to that day and saying to Emily, "Hey, real fast - I'm going to marry your brother. And you're going to be an aunt to the cutest baby ever!"

I wonder what would have changed if we'd have known? Would I have been nicer to her that year? :)

Ah, but there was no way to know...and that's what makes it so magical. There was no way that I could've looked at her brother while he was setting up her computer and said, "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm your future wife." Boy, that would've been the end of that.

Thankfully it wasn't the end of anything. It was only the beginning. Here we are 13 years later and I somehow ended up with the best family ever.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

In April

The month of April whizzed by without me even noticin'. In January I wrote down in my calendar that I wanted to go to Asheville in April. Do you think that happened? Naw. As I sit here now, drinkin' my glass of 2-buck chuck, I can't even remember what went on during April.

Let's see if my trusty ole camera can jog my mem'ry. Ah we go:

For starters we had a 6 month old, and my goodness what a joy he is! So precious, sweet, snuggly, innocent and drooly. I just love him to pieces.

It was my little sister's 27th birthday, and she came into town for a visit. I let her have her pick of restaurants for her birthday dinner and she chose "M," which is owned by the same folks who do Mack & Kate's. We were at Mack & Kate's last year for her birthday. I sense a theme here...

Anyway, "M" was delicious.
We started with Crawfish Toast: Cajun Spiced Crawfish mixed into a Veloute cream sauce with Cheddar on Brioche. It was amazing, and after the brioche was all gone (or "big ole croutons" as we called them), we were spoonin' that cheese sauce out of the bowl and damn near licked the thing clean!
For the main course, Big Sister had: Chili dusted bone-in pork chop, braised collard greens, chunky apple puree and squash casserole. But surprise - the squash casserole was in an EGGROLL! So it was an eggerole?? Whatever it was, it was so melt-in-your-mouth delicious. Crunchy on the outside, warm and cheesy on the inside. This I know to be true: you can never go wrong with deep fried anything, especially fried casserole.
Little Sister enjoyed a true southern classic: Shrimp & Grits. Succulent Gulf Shrimp, Bell Peppers, Sweet Onion, Andouille Sausage and Creole Cream in Wiesenberger Stone Ground Cheddar Grits.

And for dessert (as if we hadn't eaten enough already) I indulged in JACK DANIELS CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE!!!!! And sister chose the cobbler of the day, which I believe was peach if memory serves...

We had such a lovely time together - just the 2 of us - and of course, we stuffed ourselves silly. Such is the life of a Hargis sister, I suppose.

But what could be better than a delicious 3 course meal at a nice restaurant? Why, a homemade meal, of course!!! Our step mom has started a new tradition of making Sunday Supper for all of us each and every month. And boy, she is an amazing cook. Just look at this salad!!! Because it was sister's birthday month, she got to pick the meal. We had bacon wrapped filet, asparagus and loaded baked potato...and nanner pudding for dessert (I think). We enjoyed having sister home with us for her birthday celebration, and we always enjoy getting together with the family. Dad and little brother even gave us a banjo concert in the kitchen after lunch.
I don't have the pictures to prove it, but we also went on hike to Percy Warner park with a group of friends one Sunday afternoon. We even brought the babe along. I'm not gonna lie...I was a bit scared to bring him, but it worked out just fine. He wore our backs out, but he was a doll the whole time (even ate lunch from a squeezy pouch while we hiked!)
The last weekend of April brought the ever-popular Main Street Festival to Downtown Franklin. Sean had to fulfill volunteer duties with the Heritage Foundation, but Wesley and I visited daddy at his station. We ran into old friends, enjoyed street food and fun music, and admired all the arts and crafts. It was the perfect way to end the month. 

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Rainy Day Randomness

I had some crazy dreams last night. Could've been from the red wine and pizza I indulged in...or maybe leftover bits of trauma from the concussion I gave myself earlier in the week.

What's that, you say? How did I get a concussion?

Well, it was really the stupidest accident ever. I went to put some muddy shoes out in the garage and my two feet slipped right out from under me. Arms went flailing, the muddy shoes were flung, and after a big "THUD!" and a "BANG!" I was lying on the garage floor wailing.

I laid there for a good long while, Sean at my side with a pack of ice, and I really thought I messed myself up good. Thought I might have really injured something, cracked my skull or have a subdural hematoma on my brain...but no, I'm actually quite okay. At least I think so.

I know what your next question is, and NO I didn't go to the doctor.

My butt cheek is bruised, my ribs are bruised and I have a goose egg the size of Texas on the back of my head. Hair washing and styling hasn't happened in a few days because of this.

Okay, now I'm paranoid that I may actually have a subdural hematoma and just don't know about it. Maybe I should go to the doctor...

OH! But my dreams. There were many many good ones last night. First, I saw Zac Brown Band getting into a limo, and I went up to them and introduced myself. ZB himself was a little put off that I was delaying their departure. I explained that I live in Nashville, which is completely star studded, but I never speak to celebs because...well, there's just an unwritten rule that you don't bother them. But Zac, I explained, was so amazing that I just couldn't miss this opportunity. And so what did he do? He tracked me down the next day and gave me a call on my cell phone. Mmm hmm, yes ma'am - that's sure what he did because he was so smitten with me. We talked for a long time on the phone.

Then I found myself at a house. A new house that my mother in law purchased. She was going to be living there, but also converting it to a B&B and also running her flower shop out of it. And then Paul the dog died suddenly, and everyone was deeply saddened.

In real life I woke up a few times in the night. Some because of thunder. Once because WT was crying cause he pee-peed his jammies. It was pouring down the rain all morning long. One of those mornings where you could just stay in bed sleeping on and off until noon. But, can't do that anymore. WT was up at 6:30. I thought keeping him up til 7:45 last night would mean maybe sleeping in until 7 a.m. Nope. No such luck. That booger makes sure he's awake before 7 a.m. every. single. day.

We had breakfast and played, then he was ready for a morning nap by quarter to 9. I got myself showered and dressed, and then gathered our things because we had to leave the house. Sean went to Main Street Festival (yes, in the pouring down rain) to work the booth for Next Gen. I told him to wear his water resistant boots. He did not listen. I said his socks and shoes would be soaked. He said no they wouldn't. Well, guess what...I was right. But I digress...

I got out in the rain with WT to go to a baby shower up in Brentwood. I was happy to do it so that I could see some old friends. The shower was lovely. I made other people hold WT while I ate delicious catered food and drank mimosas. The rain has since let up a bit, but I think we're going to settle in for an afternoon nap now.

Monday, April 15, 2013

My baby is only 6 months old. I'm not saying I'm an expert mom or anything even close to that. A lot of what I'm doing comes from what I've read on the Internet, plus trial and error, plus one tiny recommendation from the pediatrician. But, I decided to go ahead and post this because I recently connected with an acquaintance who is expecting at the end of October, and she asked: "What do I need to know?" Here's what I came up with.

Besides, I thought I might look back on this one day and laugh.

So to all those first time mommies out there, here's my two cents...

Ten Serious Things I Didn't Know Before Becoming a Mom:

1) You will pop the baby out, and most importantly you CAN pop the baby out. I was absolutely terrified of delivering a baby...another person coming through my body...more specifically, through a relatively small opening located on my body. Trust me - it works itself out. Drugs or no drugs, there is only one outcome to this situation. The baby will be born come hell or high water. No matter what. Even if a doctor has to cut it out of you, the baby will come out so don't worry about it. I opted for a drug free delivery and there was a moment near the end where I was panting and proclaiming loudly, "I WANT TO PUSH I WANT TO PUSH I WANT TO PUSH." Listen, your body just knows what to do. It just does. Your body was programmed to handle this, so don't sweat it.

2) I didn't know that breastfeeding would be so difficult. Apparently, human babies need a little practice in the nursing department. It took quite a while - about 3 months - before WT was nursing comfortably. Granted, he was born with a pretty significant tongue tie that prevented him from latching properly, so he was facing an even greater challenge. But really, I thought he'd come out knowing what to do...he didn't. And I didn't. It was like taking dance lessons with a completely uncoordinated partner. It took us a while to get comfortable with each other. Also, it sucked. (no pun intended). It was just physically demanding and I didn't expect it to be such a challenge. Just be prepared to have to TRY and commit to breastfeeding.

3) I didn't know babies are terrible at staying awake. Really, they can only stay awake about 45 minutes to 1 hour at a time before they pass out again. I ended up reading a lot about sleep training (and no, I wasn't making WT cry it out at 1 month old). But I did have to prompt him to stay awake at certain times, as well as prompt him to go to sleep at certain times. Babies aren't born knowing exactly when and how to sleep, so you have to help them learn how to consolidate all that sleeping into the NIGHT time. It was a lot of work, took time and dedication, and sometimes I thought it was an impossible task, but WT was sleeping 11 hours at night by 3 months old. Just sayin'...

4) I attempted to exercise just 2 weeks after delivery. I know it's politically incorrect to use the word retarded, but I was seriously retarded, y'all. I just was. What was I thinking!?!?! I wasn't. I was just awake all the time and frustrated and feeling fat. I just wanted to feel GOOD for once and I thought working out would make me feel good. Guess what? It didn't. My vagina stayed angry with me for a long time after that. DON'T EXERCISE. Don't walk. More importantly, don't walk up and down stairs for at least 2 weeks. Don't do anything. Just lay in bed and be a fat lazy slug. Just lay there and don't feel bad about it. Rest rest and more rest as much as you possibly can. Which leads me to my next point...

5) Don't let anyone come and stay with you post-delivery unless you are completely comfortable being naked in front of them (see also: breastfeeding, sitz baths, etc.). Also make sure you are comfortable having a complete crying sobbing meltdown in front of this person. Make sure you can scream at them and be completely irrational without it impacting your relationship. This person will probably need to be your mom or your sister. Maybe even your best friend since 5th grade, but that's it. Picture it: You and your spouse just had a baby and it's the most amazing thing ever, and also the most terrifying/challenging thing ever. You need this time to adjust to becoming parents. All you'll want to do is stare at your baby and try to sleep here and there. You don't really want to share that moment with anyone else, but at the same time you do probably need some help. Meanwhile, all these well-meaning friends and family will want to bring you dinner. I'm here to tell you: DON'T LET THEM. Tell them to order you up a Papa John's pizza on their Master Card and have it delivered to your door, but don't let them come inside. NEVER let them come inside...not for the first month, at least. Have them bring meals before the baby is born and leave them in the freezer. Or make them sign some kind of "silent helper" agreement where they promise not to talk to you if they come by. They should drop dinner on the door step and get the hell out of there. I mean, I just had no idea how difficult it would be. I was so frazzled and out of it that I had to verbally coax myself into the bath one day. I had to slowly put one foot in front of the other while repeating out loud: "Go to the bath, go to the bath, go to the bath." That's how completely out of it I was during the first 2 weeks. My in laws, God love them, came to stay with us...but in hind sight we should've had them come later. It would've been a better experience for all parties involved if we would've asked them to wait a few weeks. It was 2 of the most challenging weeks of my life, and here they are asking, "Where do you keep your spatulas?" My God, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TELL YOU WHERE THE SPATULA IS!!! Many friends and family brought meals and stayed with us to eat, and all I could think during dinner was "Get the F-- out of my house so I can go back to bed!!!" I love all these folks dearly, but it was not a good time for me. All I needed during the first 2 weeks was someone to silently wait on me hand and foot. Bring food to my bedside, Bring my baby to my bedside, make sure I took my daily bath and make sure the trash can was emptied.

6) Babies are totally boring. For the first 3 months all they do is lay there... I kept trying to interact with WT during his brief wakeful times. Sing him songs, talk to him, show him was a total waste of my time and his. I could've been sleeping. I wanted to enjoy every second of my 3 month maternity leave with him. I spent all of my time holding him and cooing over him. Again, what was I thinking!?! He could've cared less. I didn't know about the mysterious "4th trimester" which is the first 3 moths following birth. During this time babies just need to be swaddled and cuddled and fed and changed. Y'all, I'm embarrassed to say that I tried to read books to him, and all he was doing was laying there like an invalid. I'm not even sure he could SEE at that point. Like, his eyeballs didn't even work and I was reading a stupid hippopotamus book to him. And he was like, "Hippo-whaaaa? Get that thing outta mah face, Ma. I tryin' to seep." I reckon I was just trying to keep myself entertained because staying home with a newborn is BO-RING.

7) I didn't know how naturally and easily I would transition into being a mother. I mean, the first night he was born I was terrified that he was going to die. I just knew he couldn't breathe. I was certain that every noise he made was him taking his last breath. I realized that I'd better get used to this feeling because I would feel it for the NEXT EIGHTEEN YEARS. It's just that, as a mother you instantly know that you are the one and only person responsible for keeping this human alive...because Lord knows his daddy isn't doing shit about it. Oh, to be a dad...Sean was sleeping soundly in the hospital room while I lay awake worried that WT wasn't breathing and wasn't eating enough (which he wasn't, by the way.) And to this day that's how we operate. WT is sleeping through the night, dad is sleeping through the night, and mom lies awake thinking everyone is dying. Dad's totally have it made. A mother's intuition is so very strong. Once your baby is born it's like you step into a suit of armor and you're ready to conquer anyone and anything that threatens the well being of your baby. Even if they are fake baby snatchers who have broken into your house that are totally a figment of your 2:00 a.m. imagination.

8) Having a baby opened my heart so much. I have feelings that I never had before. Sensitive feelings. Womanly feelings. Motherly feelings, I guess. I never cared about babies before. Now I see a baby on a TV commercial and I want to cry...just because it's a cute baby. What the hell is that all about!?!?! But it's true. I'm a sucker now. I'm more caring and compassionate than I've ever been before. Now I want to scoop all the babies in the whole world up and take care of all of them. I borderline hated babies before having my own, so this is kind of a big deal.

9) Embrace the stuff. I have a huge aversion to baby toys and baby related materials such as play mats and bouncy things and toys and...well, all of it. Gross. Mostly it's my aversion to primary colors that keeps me disgusted. I try to encourage WT's learning through exploring all things - not just baby toys. But at the same time, I realize that he enjoys the baby toys. Because he's a baby! I'm finding balance in this department. I realize that I can't deprive him of all toys. That would make me an evil mom. So, I let him sit in the stupid hideous ginormous exersaucer that takes up the entire den floor because, dammit, he likes it and he's quiet right now. The exersaucer also means I can eat breakfast on Saturday morning with both hands. But babies are entertained by exploring pretty much ANYTHING they can get their hands on, toy or not. I love that I don't have to pack a car full of toys because I know he'll find something to occupy his mind. For example, WT spent a good 10 minutes playing with my kitchen rug yesterday. He lifted it, chewed on it and rolled on it...crumbs, dirt and all.

10) Pinterest is the devil. It will make you think that other moms out there are skinny, crafty, organized and are great cooks. And maybe they are, but you don't need to know that. Not right now. Pinterest will brain wash you. It makes you think that people have laundry ROOMS instead of laundry closets. And inside these laundry ROOMS is all kinds of matching storage containers, neatly labeled and stacked in a row. Listen, if you just had a baby you stay the hell away from Pinterest, you hear me? Pinterest will make you think that you need to take monthly pictures of your newborn and organize them in some neat way, and make crafty birth announcements, and dress your baby in hipster clothes, and cook your baby organic homemade baby food and learn how to edit your pictures in Photoshop. I don't know who those people are. I'm not sure they really exist, and if they do exist then I'm not sure I ever want to know them. I might have been stupid for reading my 2 week old a book, but at least I wasn't wasting time trying to make my own laundry detergent. I mean, how broke are you that you can't buy some Tide?

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Wesley's trip to N.J.

We've been back from New Jersey for a couple of weeks, so I thought I'd throw this pictures up on the blog before it's too late.
Wesley's first trip - not a total disaster after all
Four Generations of Carroll men: Sean, Tom III, Wesley and Tom Jr.

Eating a boarding pass

Great Pop Pop holding Wesley

Wesley with Great Uncle Kevin and Great Aunt Sandy

"Introducing the one and only Pop Pop!"

Great Mom Mom and Wesley enjoying some time together after lunch

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It seems.

It seems like we're doing okay. You know, we're just truckin right along...adjusting to life with a baby, trying to keep up with work and chores and making well-balanced home cooked meals, remembering to exercise, to call our mamas, to check in with friends, making time to go on grown up dates, planning trips and scheduling maintenance on the HVAC unit, getting a hair cut, remembering to return the nebulizer we rented for the baby...and all that other SHiTz that makes up our lives.

I so desperately want to slow down and savor it all. I long for so many things that I simply can't have.

It's a rare occasion when I choose to dole out sympathy, and I certainly don't expect sympathy from you. My life is good. We have our health. We have a good life in a good town, and we're surrounded by love and lots of good people.

Still...I want. I want change. I want things to slow down. I want my day to be different, my job to be different, and while I'm at it, I admit that I want my butt to shrink, too.

It's natural to want. I'm working on convincing myself to WANT WHAT I ALREADY HAVE. To stop feeling like the grass is greener somewhere else and remind myself to sink my toes into my own grass, no matter how brown and crispy it is.

My "brown and crispy" is that I don't have my desired work-life balance right now. And I don't have any options. And I don't know when that will change. And I don't like feeling helpless.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Quiet Thoughts...almost

The 3 of us woke up quietly sometime around 7 a.m., and for the second morning in a row the snow was really coming down. Overnight we accumulated another inch of snowfall for a grand total of TWO inches. Hard to believe 2 days ago it was 70 outside...

I'm enjoying the the stillness of this Saturday morning snow while I listen to slow, weepy Amos Lee songs. Wesley is taking his morning nap. Sean is probably off reading a magazine or paper somewhere. Oh wait...Wesley is awake. My plan to share quiet, reflective thoughts with y'all has quickly changed. WARNING: the remainder of this post will be random, disjointed information about our lives.

The warm weather earlier this week meant storms...which meant tornado warnings...which meant waking up at 3 a.m. and cramming ourselves into the half bath downstairs. In 30 years I've only been to a "safe place" twice in my life despite the fact that we have a few tornado warnings each year. Oops. Now that we have a kid I plan on being way more responsible.

The storm woke me up at 1:30 a.m., and I thought the house was coming down. Just when I thought it couldn't sound any worse, it got stronger so I woke Sean and asked him to pull up the news. We made the decision to wake the bebe and take him to the safe place just as the sirens started to sound. Wesley was confused - Is it time to get up? Why are we sitting in this tiny room? - but as soon as it was all over he went back to bed peacefully. Baby of the Year Award!

Thankfully, we had no damage other than the smoker being tossed about the back yard. My dad's house got beaten by the super-strong winds. Two 100+ year old trees came crashing down on his brand new privacy fence and onto the roof of his carriage house. His trailor holding a 4 wheeler was pushed 30 yards down the street.

As the storm moved eastward, the winds grew stronger and evetually turned into an EF0 tornado as it passed over Liberty Elementary just a few miles from our home. Quite scary when you stop to think about the fact that everything you have - even your life - could be taken by such a strong storm in just the blink of an eye. WHOOP! Just tossed about in the air and spit back out. I'm glad that didn't happen to us...this time.


I didn't finish this blog post yesterday. Truth is, I don't finish much of anything these days! Unless, of course, my wonderful husband helps out, which he does often.

It's Sunday now and the snow has completely disappeared. Temps are now in the 50's and it's quite nice outside. We've been busy doing weekend chores, and even did a bit of crafting we the baby. Wesley's dad was thrilled when we asked him to help with the crafts. I'm pretty certain he wanted nothing to do with the crafting, but he didn't complain and he jumped right in to help us.

I mean, it was totally necessary. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't have a mold of tiny footprints and handprints!?

In other news, I'm staring at my planner and I feel like the month of February is going to fly by. Sean is gearing up for his big event with Next Gen on the 22nd. We have several family members coming to visit around the same time. Sean's Dad and Ann will be here, plus Emily and Amanda. I have a feeling Wesley's cheeks will be chapped from so many kisses that week!

Speaking of Wesley, how did I forget to mention that he started solids? Yes, rice cereal - mmmmmm mmmmmm. Days 1 and 2 weren't so great - lots of crying. But day 3 was a different story. He actually seemed to enjoy it! Granted, he still couldn't figure out the swallowing bit (which is kind of important), so most of it still ended up on his bib. This mom sure was proud, though. I'm looking forward to more advanced mealtimes and him being able to join us at the dinner table. I think I'm off to take a gander at some high chairs.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

I'm okay, Okay?

I'm mid-way through my 2nd week as "working mom," and it officially still sucks. But whatchagonnado, right? It doesn't help that I've been battling some weird cold/flu illness thing which makes me feel extra icky. I keep saying to Sean, "I just want things be normal again..." but then I realize that there's No. Such. Thing.

My idea of normal has disappeared forever. *sniff

I need to accept my "new" normal of slinging breakfast around a messy kitchen with one shoe on, one shoe off, my car running in the driveway while I rush upstairs to change a dirty diaper, holding a banana in my teeth while juggling hot coffee and 2 bags all while I secure the car seat...

If my Old Self were to pay a surprise visit to my New Self she'd say, "WHAT THE fffffuUUUUUddddge is going on here, you crazy loon!? Get your sh*T together, girl. This is no way to start the morning! Where are your organization skills?"

Um, they're gone.

Now that we have this new miniature roommate who needs us for EVERYTHING, there will always be something to deal with, so I better just learn how to deal. (easier said than done.) And that's what I'm tryin' to do here.

The good news is that Wesser decided to start sleeping 12 hours straight through for the past few nights, and he's been going down peacefully. Hooray for my little champ! I appreciate that he's not fighting us on bedtime now, and I also appreciate the extra long stretch of sleep.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I feel like a complete and total failure as a woman/employee/mom/wife/person. Instead, I'm attempting to celebrate my small victories and put less focus on what I failed to accomplish. So, today's victories are 1) I came to work half sick (even though I felt crappy) and 2) paid a medical bill. Kudos to me!

And I've decided to forgive myself for having hairy legs (sorry, Sean!). Let's pretend like I've converted into Super Earthy Granola Lady who believes that leg hair on women is natural and okay. (It is not, by the way.)  The truth is that there's just no time to properly address my Teen Wolf legs. Maybe one day...

Work is nuts and chaotic and it makes me feel really uncomfortable to be so out of control...I'm very under-qualified, which leaves me feeling nothing but old fashioned STUPID. But I'm sitting with it. I'm coaching myself through each day and saying, "Just be okay with this." I'm trying to change out the track in my head to a more positive tone.

Don't know if it's working or not...