Monday, November 12, 2012

I see.

I see now...I see how very DIFFICULT it is to raise a happy, healthy, functioning family. No wonder the world is as screwed up as it is. This is nuts! And as I'm sure most new mothers do, I have a newfound respect for everyone involved in raising a child. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, caretakers and teachers...

I used to cringe when I hear babies screaming in public. Now I breathe a sigh of relif and say to myself, "Thank God it's not mine..."

I mean, we MADE a baby...he LIVED inside my BODY...You think it would be the most amazing and gratifying thing to hold him and love him and care for him. NOPE. He's trying his damndest to get voted off the island.

Sometimes I like him. Just sometimes. The rest of the time I'm praying to God to help me get through the next hour without having a meltdown myself.

Any parent reading this surely knows what I mean. This tiny and precious 11 pound being has the ability to instantly turn into some kind of posessed thing that screams bloody murder in your face, scratches you, kicks you and clearly doesn't appreaciate that you're trying to keep him alive.

In addition to the calming lullaby CD playing in his room, there is another track going on in my head. It goes something like this: You'll get through this. This is only temporary. He doesn't know that he's evil. He's just a baby. You don't need sleep. Who needs sleep? Don't move or you'll wake him up. Just pee on yourself in this chair. The smell will go away eventually. Whatever you do don't wake him. Just love him and hold him and rock him. He needs you. There's a good boy in there somewhere. One day you'll forget this ever happened and you'll really love him. One day. One day you'll play with him and he'll laugh and say "I love you, Mommy." I hope. Right? Yes...he will. Okay, just 10 more minutes and then you can call for Sean to come save you.

I see now how kids can ruin a marriage. I see how parents can flip out on their kids, lose their patience, yell, scream and yes, even hit their kids. (For the record, I don't plan on doing any of these things.)

I'm a relatively normal person. I'm of sound mind and body, and yet, he is making me LOSE. MY. MIND. Sean's too. My Sean is the most patient and calm person I know and, yes, even he has been beaten down by the little baby.

We're living on hope for a peaceful tomorrow. There are easy days and there are really hard days, but every day is a good day because we're alive and well and together. (and crying)


Bethany Reine' said...

"he doesn't know that he's evil" - so true!!! those first few months are absolutely horrible and i mean that in the most encouraging way! expect the worst and keep going. it does get better :) (when our babes were babes, i used to tell dan "i can totally see how mothers drive their cars into rivers!!")

Tom said...

Stace, Just a couple thoughts to hopefully help you keep your sanity. Your little joy bundle is definitley "THE SPAWN OF SEAN". Many was the night his mother and I would be at our wits end wondering how something so small could make that much noise! He quieted down sometime before he turned twenty! If you cuddle both the men in your life, they will eventually quiet down.
Love Y'alls