Sunday, November 15, 2009

heavy heart

I've been living with a heavy heart for the past month. Sad about my grandparents dying, obviously. Sad about my family - my mom, my aunt, and even my uncle. Just sad. Being so up close and personal with death makes you think weird things. Makes you ponder life, and worry, and wonder...

Life goes on, and my days have been normal for the most part. It's not like I'm crying every waking minute of the day. I'm just living with a heavy heart. That's the best way I can describe it. The sweet moments are bittersweet. The chilly days are just a little too cold.

Also, someone I work with lost their job, and it makes me sad and scared. I have been worrying about that person (and about my job) all weekend.

Even though it's not very exciting or happy news, I still wanted to post an update this weekend. There have been some bright moments in the midst of my gray clouds. One of my dear friends Crystal is expecting her first baby. It hasn't really sunk in for me yet. I'm in a state of disbelief - Crystal can't be pregnant! But hopefully her belly will keep growing, and that baby will be here soon enough. Crystal will be the first in my small group of three friends to be a mommy. Ugh, let the aging begin...

Nashville has been experiencing beautiful weather, and I'm so thankful for it - the blue skies keep my spirits higher. Sadly, yesterday was a very lazy Saturday at the Carrolls, and we didn't get outside to enjoy any fresh air! I was so disappointed in us. But, for some reason I just wanted to lay around in pj's ALLLLL day. We didn't even get showers. But, we did brush our teeth and wash up enough to go Christmas shopping at the mall. Today we got in gear and spent some time outside. Sean worked on his car, and I went for a run. I said hi to strangers, and stopped to watch the kids at the skate park. It was nice. I've been trying to slow down and savor those small moments of beauty.

We watched the last part of Dexter Season 3 last night and it was AWESOME! I also made a hemp bracelet for my brother. His 11th birthday is next week (ah! He's getting so old). I don't know why I wanted to make it for him, but I really hope he likes the bracelet. I've been wearing it and washing it so that it'll be nice and soft for him.

One week from today is the Hargis Family Thanksgiving Feast, and I'm really looking forward to a fun day and GOOD FOOD! All 18 of us (minus my cousin Adam because he's away at camp), will be at Nonnie's house. It's sad to think that she's the only living grandparent I have left. I'm glad that I only live 2 minutes from her (or an 8 min. jog if I'm feeling like some exercise). I just can't believe it's time for turkey already. Where has the year gone!?!? Also, a week from Wednesday we'll be making the 14 hour drive up to South Jersey to see the Carrolls for Turkey Day. While we're dreading the long car ride, we can't wait to see everyone. I'm really excited! I didn't expect to be going, but Sean surprised me and said that he wanted to make the trip.

Well, with these last 30 minutes before bed, I'm going to work on some Christmas knitting...

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