Friday, September 3, 2010

...and she's back!

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I think that pretty much sums it up.

After a 2 month+ hiatus, I'm back in the blogosphere. I don't even know why. Just shut up and go with it.

I was waaaay down in the deep, dark places of my brain where no one should ever go. The kind of place where you just KNOW for sure that you'll never be happy again. The place where you think oh my god do i need medication?

All I have to say is: BLECH! I hate that place.

So I went to yoga. And then I got this book. I talked to my beautiful, loving, wonderful, patient friends...a lot. I also talked to my hair stylist. And with the encouragement of my sister, I even talked to MY MOM. I know. It was weird...

And slowly but surely, my old self began to emerge from the shadows. Things are looking up. Way up. I even got a promotion. again, very weird.

I'm totally comfortable being in the spotlight as long as it's on my terms. The minute someone calls me out, makes a formal announcement about me, shines the light on me when I least expect it...that's when I get all weirded out.

It's not as if every single day was full of deep depression. I still laughed. I still enjoyed life. I still loved my husband, went to work, took care of my dog, made dinner...but along with all that was this underlying tone of sadness. I had some major changes going on in my life. Re-defining yourself doesn't always mean sunshine and roses. Doesn't always mean a new hairstyle or outfits. Sometimes it means digging up a bunch of deep, dark shit and getting dirt under your fingernails. And that's where I was...

I'm back now. Feeling good, feeling free, at peace for the most part...knock on wood...

Top 10 things on my brain:
10. Maximizing Labor Day weekend
9. Missing friends who live out of town, and wishing I could scoop them all up and take them to the beach with me this weekend
8. Thankful for my wonderful friends who continue to ride the Crazy Stacey Train with me
7. humbled by my promotion. glad that I have a wonderful boss.
6. Is summer really almost over? I don't know if i'm ready...Do my winter clothes still fit?
5. Ecstatic about my new mid-day dog walker
4. seriously need to organize the bonus room closets
3. Missing sister :( both of them!
2. I love my house, and where it is. I'm glad Sean chose this place.
1. Why are Sean and Murphy being so quiet right now...what are those boys up to?

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