New Job

I’m proud to say that as of Monday I officially carry the title as Business Care Manager for my company. My first day on the job was unlike any other simply because it was the first day the position ever existed. Yes, my new role is not only new for my but it's also new for the entire company. Thankfully, I have an experienced team member and wonderful director to help guide me through the transition. Still, it’s pretty crazy to literally have to start from scratch with a new position.

BCM Agenda for May 12: Find out what exactly it is that I’m supposed to do…

Needless to say, my head is spinning in a million directions as I try to make some sense out of all this. It will require a lot of information gathering and organization. I’m really just diving in head first and crossing my fingers that I do a good job. Everyone has been really supportive and encouraging so far, so I’m thankful for that. The only unsettling comment was from my VP of Sales who referred to my role as “the single throat to choke.” It just doesn’t have a very nice ring to it….and he said it repeatedly. It reminds me of spousal abuse, which doesn’t offer a very pleasant visual image. I’m actively working to come up with a better analogy. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated.

Monday night I left work with a stress headache. My brain was packed with too much information about my new position. I headed off for my weekly trip the grocery store, and by the time I finished shopping I was exhausted! Sean helped me unload the groceries and then he stepped out on the deck to take a work call. I started pulling out the ingredients for our meal and prepping my workspace. As I started chopping and seasoning, I could hear music coming from the CD player the living room and it made me feel like I had my very own cooking show. The sounds, smells and textures of preparing the meal were very therapeutic for me, and by the time my pork chops were finished cooking I was feeling much better.

Tuesday – another stress headache. Thankfully, I had plans to meet up with my very oldest friend in the world Jolene. We grabbed dinner and drinks at my favorite after-work watering hole Bonefish, and then we came back to the house to write a song. Of course, with all the catching up we had to do, we never really got around to writing anything. (Does one line count?) She jammed and we sang a little big, but mostly we just talked which was nice. She’s moving to California next week so it was good to spend some time with her before she becomes an Anti-Southerner.

Wednesday – stress headache. What else? Only this time it turned into a full-blown migraine or sinus headache or something that hurt very badly. I took medicine and fell asleep before 9:00, but the evil thing was still around when I woke up this morning. So I’m 3 for 3 with nightly headaches. Hopefully tonight will break the chain! I’m really doing this to myself, getting all panicked and thinking I have to know it all within the first week. I need to relax. Any tips? Any tips that don't involve drinking?

If I had a therapist, I imagine that he or she would identify me as a person with control issues. I don’t like being out of control of a situation. It’s terrifying to me to not know what's going on and to not be able to manipulate it…especially now that I’m in a position where I have no idea what to do. I have a vague idea, but it’s not enough for me. My entire day is filled with thoughts of failure. In fact, I just reminded myself of the dream I had last night. Without sharing all the crazy details, I’ll just say it had to do with me riding as a passenger in a runaway car and not being able to steer. That’s exactly what I feel like right now, and I don’t enjoy it one bit! I don't always need to be IN control (although it's helpful at times). I just like to be able to have some control in the event that something is going badly...so that I can make it right. I'm not the kind of person that likes to take a back seat. I'm not afraid to step up to the plate, so it's difficult for me when I find myself not knowing how to play the game.

In other news, my recovery is coming along nicely. Each day I find myself feeling stronger and more “normal.” Sunday I did 4 loads of laundry, changed the sheets and cleaned the kitchen!!! I didn’t feel very well afterwards, but the nauseous feeling finally passed and I survived. I only have minor pain every now and again as the muscle and incision try to heal. Sean is definitely excited to have his wife back and pitching in around the house again. I’m going to wait until next Monday before I go back to the gym, and even then it will be baby steps. I know I need to start off slowly until I figure out what I’m capable of doing.